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Something that’s taken me a while to learn (though supermum’s always insisted on it) is that I don’t need to be talking and interacting with dudelet all the time. Unstructured play and learning about boredom are essential, all the more so now that he’s reaching a stage where acting out little scenarios and and engaging in much more sophisticated social relations (ok, going to nursery school) has become so important to him. Left to his own devices, he’ll play with his musical instruments, ‘make things’, immerse himself in his dressing up box or just potter impenetrably around doing something that’s clearly very purposeful, though none our of business.
A lot of other people think so too.
Filed under: toddler | Tagged: children, unstructured play
I have to keep reminding myself about this with Kiko. All he wants to do is amuse himself in his own little way, especially with cardboard boxes, woodchips and bits of rubbish. I’m getting better at being more hands off, but I still have this paranoia: “Oh no! I ought to be doing ’stimulating’ stuff with him! We should be doing this! We should be doing that!” A lot of that has to do with advertising. You’re bombarded with adverts about educational this, and “promote their brain development” that, but it’s all a load of rubbish to make companies a fat wad of dough.
This is something Z. does some, but in general I think she’s too dependent on us. Time for a sibling, maybe….
Y’know. Sheila, I could swear I’ve picked up the odd sibling related echo in another of your comments…
That’s why I love objects like Bilibo.
You’ve hit upon a primary tenet of RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers): the young child needs to learn about the world and his/her own body through uninterrupted free movement and exploration, with an adult nearby and ready to assist only if necessary.
I love to just sit doing something unobtrusive (usually knitting) while I listen to my kids play together. They come up with wonderful things!
We don’t have a Bilibo, but I’ve seen them described and they seem like a wonderful, unstructured toy. Ditto cardboard boxes, pieces of cloth, simple wood blocks, etc. Waldorf is all about creative, unstructured play as well.
I’ll probably be very good about unstructured play.
:)
And the paradox of parenting (especially as they get older) is…
Your business is to make it none of your business.
Siblings. This will change everything. There’s lots to be said about the rivalry — but there’s also the joy when your child discovers that there is someone here on my level that I can relate to — and yep, we’re buds.
Susie, it’s going to be a bit of an earthquake. Fortunately, we’ll be too knackered to notice for a while. Evidently I need to discover what a Bilibo is.
I have to say that the moment I became capable of imagining having another child was the moment when Squiss (now 4) started going off into her room to play by herself for chunks of time without any kind of supervision or parental involvement. And I’m now fascinated by how independent much of her imaginative play is: she’ll occupy herself for an hour, easily, dressing up, setting up games, instructing various animals and the like about various things, re-relling stories that are cribbed from multiple books at once — we have only the slightest idea what’s going on.
I think this is good. We want to raise creative, independent thinkers, right? And I think that to do that we have to back off.
Hmm, kind of depends on the kid. Ada is happy to play and pretend as long as my husband or I are there in the room. Maybe there is a gender component, I don’t know, but she prefers to play with clay or paint with us, or pretend to cook for us, than to do these things just for/with herself. Mostly we just let her lead the play, and take her cues as she sets the rules.
Hey DR – It is fascinating – there’s definitely a trigger point, though. NLG, how old is Ada? dudelet’s only just got into solitary play on a regular basis (and he still likes to provide a running commentary at the top of his voice if he thinks you’re listening.
I sometimes feel like I’m the only parent in the world whose child, age 4, does not play by herself, not even with me in the room. She has never once done it. She plays all the normal games — fantasy with toys, building, crafting — but with friends, and if friends aren’t around, with me.
I say, “you know, some kids make up stories with their toys all by themselves.”
She says, “you’ve told me that before. Maybe I’ll try it when I’m older. Now can you please come and play baby school?”